i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's paint friendship bongs
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
