I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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