Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
