I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
