Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
