if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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