i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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