I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
