I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
