Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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