She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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