two words...techno handjob
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
