Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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