I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
