Don't you send me to vm
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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