so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
