did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think people are normalizing furries
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
