I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
