Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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