i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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