OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
