alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
