Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
