dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
