You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
