remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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