He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My legs feel like baby dolphins
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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