Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
