for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize