Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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