I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
