Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
