dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
