Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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