well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
there is glitter all over my balls
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