We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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