i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
