Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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