Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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