Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
