She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
