You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
