I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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