I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dignity is for republicans.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Randomize
