If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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