i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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