u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
