You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
