And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
