Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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