She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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