During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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