The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize