I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
