I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i drank out of a bidet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
