Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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