they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
