This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
