either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
