Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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