well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
