nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
