It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
