FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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