I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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