why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
