I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
