It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize