good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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