My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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