my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
