We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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