new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
