I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize