My balls are so social today.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
