whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i now understand why vodka
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
