have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
