Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
