they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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